Five years ago was the last time I posted anything on this website. My how time flies. In five years I've moved six times, held almost a dozen jobs, been engaged, been un-engaged, lost friends and found new ones. I've also found out a lot about myself. I'm self-centered, lazy, unmotivated, uninterresting, slovenly, prideful, vain, callous, uncaring, unsympathetic, and an all-around jackass. But I've generally come to terms with all that. I'm finally working around to a place where I like who I am, and I like who I am becoming even more. Unfortunately I've hurt a lot of people along the way. See the long list of my faults above for explanation. And I suppose I want to ask one last time for forgiveness. I don't expect it, and I hardly have any right to even ask it, but there it is. I'm sorry. To anyone I've ever hurt, and those out there whom I have really wronged, I am truly and deeply sorry.

Wow, I don't think me five years ago would have done that. I probably would just have gone out drinking and done something stupid. Looking back that seems to have been my solution to all my problems at the time. I am so glad I grew out of that. Alchohol is just a really expensive way to hate yourself.

In any case these days I try pretty hard to be less of an insensitive idiot than I once was. Most of my day is actually spent trying to help people other than myself. I guess that comes from surrounding myself with people who NEED help all the time, but hey, nobody's perfect. Besides, I enjoy helping people along the paths I've walked before, or going together to places that are new to me as well. Too bad being a good friend doesn't pay well. But what the hell, I'm happier being broke and having the chance to be a good person for the first time in my life than being financially well off and still being the jerk I used to be.

I'll see you kids around, hopefully in less than another five years huh?

Rudi.